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Funniest shit I've seen on SNL in a while.
Watched a couple of Twilight Zone episodes (the original series) and have to say that some of them are real hit and misses. I suppose for their time they were great but some of them are just really bland.
One of the ones I watched was one that's constantly parodied or copied is the episode called, "Time Enough At Last." It is about a man who loves to read but does not have anytime for it until ultimately the place he is living gets hit with a H-bomb and kills everyone except for the man who was reading inside a vault. While searching for survivors he finds a library and begins to collect books that he will read now that there is "time enough at last" except when he reaches down to pick up a book he drops his thick glasses which he needs in order to read. And then he cries out, "BUT THERE WAS TIME!" and then thats where the emulation of the episode ends.
What they don't tell you though is that the reason he can't read (he tries to read during his job as a bank teller but his manager threatens to fire him) is because his wife WON'T let him read because she wants him to be more social. What the hell is that? Why did this guy marry a woman who would not let him do the thing he enjoys most? It's not even a harmful thing like chronic smoking or alcoholism or some kind of dangerous hobby. IT'S JUST READING! What kind of bitch would not let a man read a book?
But to look at it from a fair prespective, why did that man marry such a bitch? I mean this is probably how it went down during their first date.
Woman: So what do you like to do for fun?
Man: Oh I enjoy to read.
Woman: Fuck that shit.
Man:
I mean once you found out that she did not want her husband to be a reader why did either of them decide that getting married was a good idea.
One of the ones I watched was one that's constantly parodied or copied is the episode called, "Time Enough At Last." It is about a man who loves to read but does not have anytime for it until ultimately the place he is living gets hit with a H-bomb and kills everyone except for the man who was reading inside a vault. While searching for survivors he finds a library and begins to collect books that he will read now that there is "time enough at last" except when he reaches down to pick up a book he drops his thick glasses which he needs in order to read. And then he cries out, "BUT THERE WAS TIME!" and then thats where the emulation of the episode ends.
What they don't tell you though is that the reason he can't read (he tries to read during his job as a bank teller but his manager threatens to fire him) is because his wife WON'T let him read because she wants him to be more social. What the hell is that? Why did this guy marry a woman who would not let him do the thing he enjoys most? It's not even a harmful thing like chronic smoking or alcoholism or some kind of dangerous hobby. IT'S JUST READING! What kind of bitch would not let a man read a book?
But to look at it from a fair prespective, why did that man marry such a bitch? I mean this is probably how it went down during their first date.
Woman: So what do you like to do for fun?
Man: Oh I enjoy to read.
Woman: Fuck that shit.
Man:
I mean once you found out that she did not want her husband to be a reader why did either of them decide that getting married was a good idea.
Don't tell the cops TOO much
Posted 2004-11-09 10:34:23 PM | TV
I was watching COPS with my dad on Saturday. More like I was watching and he was sleeping...
Anyways, these COPS are on stake out because some seedy location has been selling crack so they're watching over the place and arresting anyone buying crack. They see these two dudes buy crack and leave in their car so the cops immediately follow the car and pull it over.
It turns out these guys were busted for buying crack a week ago from the same exact cops. So the whole time the main cop is harassing the driver about why he was there buying crack and the driver wasn't telling him squat. He kept saying, "Naw I ain't go no drugs officer", "Oh man I was just in court last week", "That's not MY crack" and various other denials. The cop was really pissed off at him telling him to "shutup", "keep your damn hands on the car" and "why the hell are you messing around buying crack when you knew we were staking the place out."
The passenger this whole time is keeping shut, smiling his ass off and being very nice to the officers while they were harassing the driver.
Finally they get to the passenger and they ask him, "You you have any crack on you?" to which the passenger shook his head and said "No officer" Then the Officer asked him, "do you have your crack pipe?"
So this guy calmly walks to the car, pulls on the rubber part that separates the car from the body and slowly tugs out this crack pipe. The cop looks at the pipe for a second then searches through the car to see if there's any more crack pipes.
Then it fades to a scene where the passenger is getting put into the cop car being arrested and the driver is talking to the officer
Officer: Now we're arresting your friend for possession of a crack pipe and we're going to give you a ticket for trespassing.
So the driver ends up getting just a ticket while the passenger gets arrested.
Moral of the story: Don't be too cooperative with the cops or they'll arrest you.
Anyways, these COPS are on stake out because some seedy location has been selling crack so they're watching over the place and arresting anyone buying crack. They see these two dudes buy crack and leave in their car so the cops immediately follow the car and pull it over.
It turns out these guys were busted for buying crack a week ago from the same exact cops. So the whole time the main cop is harassing the driver about why he was there buying crack and the driver wasn't telling him squat. He kept saying, "Naw I ain't go no drugs officer", "Oh man I was just in court last week", "That's not MY crack" and various other denials. The cop was really pissed off at him telling him to "shutup", "keep your damn hands on the car" and "why the hell are you messing around buying crack when you knew we were staking the place out."
The passenger this whole time is keeping shut, smiling his ass off and being very nice to the officers while they were harassing the driver.
Finally they get to the passenger and they ask him, "You you have any crack on you?" to which the passenger shook his head and said "No officer" Then the Officer asked him, "do you have your crack pipe?"
So this guy calmly walks to the car, pulls on the rubber part that separates the car from the body and slowly tugs out this crack pipe. The cop looks at the pipe for a second then searches through the car to see if there's any more crack pipes.
Then it fades to a scene where the passenger is getting put into the cop car being arrested and the driver is talking to the officer
Officer: Now we're arresting your friend for possession of a crack pipe and we're going to give you a ticket for trespassing.
So the driver ends up getting just a ticket while the passenger gets arrested.
Moral of the story: Don't be too cooperative with the cops or they'll arrest you.
I think I might have written about this before (LOL REDUX!!!) but I love The Wonder Years. But I mean who doesn't? It's such a great show. I mean not to sound like every other article written about the show but it really reflects what an average teen goes through in their lives. Sure it is set in the 60s/70s but the stories are just as relevant today because it's about all the same things: parents, friends, girlfriends, sports, peer-pressure and narration by your older self.
But speaking seriously about the style of narration for the show... I think that kind of relates to me because I'm always looking into the past and reflecting upon my choice of action and viewing it from the point of perspective I have now. I mean some of the funniest moments from that show came when the narrator already knows what has happened but we're watching it unfold for the first time (unless you've watched it before).
And Winnie Cooper, Winnie Friggin' Cooper. I think she represents what most guys wanted back in high school, right? Not the hottest girl in school but just someone who was beautiful, who worried more about things other than how she looked all the time, just someone who wasn't so self-absorbed or shallow. Even though technically they didn't end up together at the end of the series (and from what I recall never again), Kevin and Winnie represent the sort of soulmate ideology so many people at that age believe. Basically, "They're perfect for each other, what could go wrong?" kind of idealism. And I think I like the fact that they don't get together as it shows that not everything you want in life will happen, not even if it's "destined to happen."
I think I've written too much already so I'll just end it here.
But speaking seriously about the style of narration for the show... I think that kind of relates to me because I'm always looking into the past and reflecting upon my choice of action and viewing it from the point of perspective I have now. I mean some of the funniest moments from that show came when the narrator already knows what has happened but we're watching it unfold for the first time (unless you've watched it before).
And Winnie Cooper, Winnie Friggin' Cooper. I think she represents what most guys wanted back in high school, right? Not the hottest girl in school but just someone who was beautiful, who worried more about things other than how she looked all the time, just someone who wasn't so self-absorbed or shallow. Even though technically they didn't end up together at the end of the series (and from what I recall never again), Kevin and Winnie represent the sort of soulmate ideology so many people at that age believe. Basically, "They're perfect for each other, what could go wrong?" kind of idealism. And I think I like the fact that they don't get together as it shows that not everything you want in life will happen, not even if it's "destined to happen."
I think I've written too much already so I'll just end it here.
I went to go see Phone Booth on Friday with Erik, Josh and Kenny. Not to say it was a bad movie but I'm not sure if it was worth the $7 bucks I paid for it. The movie was short although I'm glad they didn't try to stretch it out longer. Does anyone else notice that Colin Farrell is in every single movie made in the last 2 years?
After we got back, I watched Secretary... Okay let's stop right there. This was a really strange movie and I guess I wasn't paying attention because I didn't get it. Weird storyline and helluva weird subject. The girl, Maggie Gyllenhaal was purrtty in the film. But that's all I can say about it. Too weird for me.
And then yesterday Erik and I went to UCLA to visit whoever was there, which turned out to be just Eliot and Esther. Kenny came a while later and we stayed wayyyy late. All I can say is that I'm envious of their dining facilities and the campus.
While watching TV we came across the finale of ARE YOU HOT?. Some superficial show on ABC to determine who is the hottest guy/girl in America. I swear what the hell is this shit. The shows ending consisted of two guys and two girls. The announcer is like, "Who is the sexiest man in America, is it Joe?.... OR is it Roger?" And they pan back and forth between the two guys. And then finally one of them was called. "JOE IS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" and then the crowd cheers and the guy who won is really excited. The funniest part is when the announcer says, "YOU ARE NOT HOT ENOUGH" as the loser exits the stage. Apparently the actual show is worse. One of the judges actually had a laser pointer to point out the faults of all the contestants, which I assume is pretty funny to watch. The end was the greatest though. They had one of the losers from a previous show (a guy) and he was all in tears because he had lost. You shoulda seen him, oh wait you can, he was also dressed in like some kind of fur coat... Anyways he was crying and sobbing saying stuff like, "It's so sad that I won't be a supermodel anymore, *SNIFFLE*.
Just wondering, was this a popular show? I've heard so little about the show.
After we got back, I watched Secretary... Okay let's stop right there. This was a really strange movie and I guess I wasn't paying attention because I didn't get it. Weird storyline and helluva weird subject. The girl, Maggie Gyllenhaal was purrtty in the film. But that's all I can say about it. Too weird for me.
And then yesterday Erik and I went to UCLA to visit whoever was there, which turned out to be just Eliot and Esther. Kenny came a while later and we stayed wayyyy late. All I can say is that I'm envious of their dining facilities and the campus.
While watching TV we came across the finale of ARE YOU HOT?. Some superficial show on ABC to determine who is the hottest guy/girl in America. I swear what the hell is this shit. The shows ending consisted of two guys and two girls. The announcer is like, "Who is the sexiest man in America, is it Joe?.... OR is it Roger?" And they pan back and forth between the two guys. And then finally one of them was called. "JOE IS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" and then the crowd cheers and the guy who won is really excited. The funniest part is when the announcer says, "YOU ARE NOT HOT ENOUGH" as the loser exits the stage. Apparently the actual show is worse. One of the judges actually had a laser pointer to point out the faults of all the contestants, which I assume is pretty funny to watch. The end was the greatest though. They had one of the losers from a previous show (a guy) and he was all in tears because he had lost. You shoulda seen him, oh wait you can, he was also dressed in like some kind of fur coat... Anyways he was crying and sobbing saying stuff like, "It's so sad that I won't be a supermodel anymore, *SNIFFLE*.
Just wondering, was this a popular show? I've heard so little about the show.